As I struggle each day to raise young men and women for Christ my faults become apparent. Some days my “bag of tricks” for training my children becomes depleted and we just struggle to finish the day. I find myself unprepared for the task at hand and at a loss for how to shape these young and impressionable minds that God has entrusted to me. It is at these times that my daily prayers for guidance turn into desperate cries for help. Our God is good and faithful to help us in our time of need! He may not always give me every piece to the puzzle, but He does at least give me a piece. Once I have that piece in play He always gives me another, until the puzzle is finished. Perhaps I am just too hard headed and stubborn to simply receive an answer, or maybe it is just that He requires faith on my part that He will give me the answers as I need them.
Yesterday, after my daughter went to bed, I began to notice all the things she hadn’t done during the day. The trash that was supposedly taken out, the floor that was supposedly mopped, the laundry that was supposedly put up, etc… We have struggled with a lazy and rebellious attitude in her for awhile now. Every time I think we are making progress my love, compassion, and desire to trust her are put to the test. She has an amazing knack for knowing the precise moment that I let my guard down. Her spirit isn’t being shaped, just her persistent nature to do what must be done to hide the dark secret of laziness and rebellion.
As I spent some quiet time yesterday reading through some posts on Godly womanhood I stumbled across a gem here. I wasn’t fully aware of how her story had touched me until my husband and I sat down to once again discuss our daughter and what we need to do to raise her up properly. Then it dawned on me, just like the woman in the story, I needed to step back and allow my husband to take control. When she was a newborn (and during the majority of my pregnancy) my husband was deployed overseas, leaving me in single mom dominant mode. The funny thing is, despite the fact that I allow him full control over our other children I never really gave over the reins with her. It is almost as if I subconsciously view her as my own personal project, as if no one can understand her and shape her the way that I can.
As that realization dawned on me I realized that I have brought all of this on myself, both to my detriment as well as hers and my husband’s. His punishments, in my eyes, always seem fair and just with the other children, and yet when it comes to her I have always felt that he was too harsh, that somehow her sensitive nature required a different type of training than what we have proven works for our other three children. I have coddled her as only a mother can and now I have to pay the consequences. Today begins a new day, a day where my husbands wishes in all areas, including the training and discipline of our oldest, are paramount to my own. It will be a day that hurts, both my pride and my heart, but one that sets me on the journey of being the wife and mother that both God and my husband want me to be. If you are reading this please pray that I have the strength to do what’s right, to follow my husbands lead, and to rid myself of my own rebellious spirit that was secretly hiding, undermining all my efforts to be the wife, mother, and teacher that God wants me to be.